Two weeks before Jordan and I got married he asked, "Are we
going to start a blog?" Funny that he was the one asking about it, since
I'm the one who majored in communications. He might have been asking a bit
tongue in cheek, but regardless, 8 months later, I'm finally making it happen!
8 months has flown by. I know they say time goes by faster the
older you get, but it keeps catching me by surprise how quickly it really goes.
I can't imagine Jordan not being there now, it seems like we've been married
forever--but then again, it feels like it just happened yesterday.
Jordan waited a long time for me to change my mind about him. We were best friends all through high school, wrote through his mission and were inseparable through it all. I always told my mom I couldn't live without him, but I couldn't imagine marrying him...she told me, "Good luck with that!"
There was a day that something just clicked. After 8 years, I realized that what I felt about him was different than anything I had ever felt. He felt like home. He was the one who had always been there for me, even when I was practically pushing him away. He wasn't going to give up on me. I count my blessings every day that he was willing to trust his heart. He always told me, someday I'd change my mind. There is that moment when you come to grips with the fact that you really can't live without that person..and I couldn't deny it.
Our wedding day was one of the best days of my life. I woke up
surprisingly calm, went to the gym (My mom told me I was probably the only girl
on the planet who went to the gym on her wedding day), came home and casually
talked with siblings as I attempted to eat something; my family seemed to be a
bit more aware of the rush of the day. When I tried to eat, I realized that I was more nervous than
I thought, and put breakfast aside so I could start the "getting ready" process.
I headed over to the temple with my mom and saw Jordan sitting in
the Bountiful temple lobby...waiting for me, as always. It seems no matter
what, I always run a bit behind (something I try to deny, but the clock doesn't lie I guess). Good thing he is the most patient person I've
ever met! As we completed all of the paperwork, it seemed surreal.
The temple ceremony is something I will never forget. Dear family
and friends surrounded us, and I couldn't believe it was actually
happening.
I remember ever since I was little, driving by the temple with my
mom and telling her that I would walk out those doors someday, married for time and all eternity to a special someone. As I passed mirrors in the temple,
and saw my own reflection in my wedding dress, I couldn't seem to recall when
I had grown up. As I looked, I thought that I couldn't believe that this day
that every little girl dreams of, was finally here, it was really happening.
Pictures and everything about that day flew by, and I was stunned as I looked at my backyard and
saw everything set up for the reception. My parents had done such an incredible
job getting everything ready--really my entire family had made it happen. I
felt completely spoiled and so incredibly blessed. I cried just like I thought I would, as much as I promised I wouldn't. My eyes are too close to my heart, as my Grandpa always says. The daddy daughter dance, the cake, the wedding dinner, Jordan, my new family, the support, beautiful people, saying goodbye and hello, the love, the beauty of the day, it all made me cry...in the very best way.
As Jordan and I did our "fake out" drive away from the
reception (since my suitcase was still at the house), we got in the car and
just smiled and laughed. As we drove back, after the guests had left, I was about to take off for real, and had said good bye to everyone, except for my dad.
I was looking everywhere, and finally found him in the back yard, alone, still in his tux, watching Jordan and I's wedding video that had been playing. I wanted to cry as soon as I saw him.
He saw me walk towards him and smiled, and said, "I thought you had left!" I told him I couldn't have left without saying goodbye. For that small moment, I felt like I was still his little girl again. I needed him to tell me to leave, that he was going to be okay without me. He smiled, and, very unconvincingly, assured me he would be okay. And he was.
The day that everyone talks and dreams about, had just
happened. I would never wonder again how that day would unfold, but would live 100%
satisfied that it was the best day of my life...and not because I loved my dress,
or the flowers, or the gorgeous reception, which I did, but because of the realization of what was absolutely most
important.
