The Worth of a Soul

So grateful for a cute hubby who will paint my neglected toenails that I can't see anymore!

33 Weeks (Thanksgiving!)

One. month.

I'm just a tad bit excited!

Laying in bed the other night, Jordan and I started talking about the actual baby delivery. I was so excited I could hardly stand it--it was so fun to see him be so excited too. It's surreal to feel like we are talking about an event that will actually finally occur. Of course I knew up front that the end result of pregnancy is to have a child, but by week 36, it kind of seems like I'm just going to be pregnant forever! Don't get me wrong, it's so cool to feel her kick and watch my tummy move around as she wiggles inside of me, but at this point, I am so anxious to meet her, I keep asking things like, what does she look like? What is she like? Will she have hair when she is born? Will she be bald? Will she look more like Jordan or me? All the important questions :).

I was kneeling in bed the other night and saying my prayers when I peeked open my eyes to see all the beautiful gifts our baby girl had been given at a neighborhood shower that evening. I felt so overwhelmed with love--to know that our baby is loved and to feel the love of so many around us, words can not adequately express how blessed I felt. I found myself whispering out loud as I rubbed my tummy, "You are so, so loved little girl."

As I consider some incredibly heavy burdens that are being carried by some dear friends of my family that have occurred in recent weeks, it makes me sensitive and aware of the true worth of the human soul. Although I have a hard time talking about it, I feel I would be amiss if I did not mention this dear family...

My parent's best friends from college have a son, Joshua Robison (24 years old), who passed away the day after the birth of his first born son, due to an infection in his heart valve which spread to his brain. He was able to hold his little one for about 10 beautiful minutes in this earthly sojourn. My dad texted me after Josh's passing, as my parents were at the hospital with Josh's parents when Josh left this life. My dad's text simply said, "Make sure you live way longer than me." Jordan and I had been out for our date night, and the news hit me so hard it took my breath away. Josh had messaged me on Facebook when he found out Jordan and I were pregnant months ago, because his wife was supposed to be due the same week as us and wanted to share the joy. His wife was thankfully induced early out of necessity for the health of Josh's wife and the baby.

Josh and his new son, Logan Joshua

In all that has occurred, the natural question has been directed toward the Robison Family, "What can I do to help?" Josh's mom, Jodi, beautifully responded, "Many of you ask me what you can do besides pray. First, let me say that prayer and fasting is a powerful tool and it is meeting our most crucial needs. But if you'd like to do something more please: hold your kids and grandkids close and enjoy them with all your heart."

Life is fragile. I've had multiple experiences within my own family that have shown me this, and sometimes, I hate to admit, that I don't like realizing how fragile it can be.

As I sat in church this past Sunday with a heavy heart, I felt fear. I started wondering what could happen to my family or what could go wrong? As I sat listening, President Callister from my ward (former Bountiful Temple president and The Second Quorum of the Seventy) spoke. He is an orator in the truest sense of the word--I've never heard a man speak with such eloquence. To paraphrase, President Callister said that he has rubbed shoulders with numerous LDS General Authorities because of his callings in the church--and he has seen them face trials and every range of emotions within the human spectrum, "But," he said profoundly, "the one emotion they never entertain is fear." I knew President Callister was speaking straight to me.

Although we cannot always predict our Father in Heaven's plan, I know that it truly is a plan of happiness, not fear. That although I don't know why things happen the way they do, I trust that He does. I know with all my heart that He truly is all knowing and all understanding. This week, I've taken Josh's mom's advice, and I have pulled Jordan in a little tighter, and hugged my family a little longer. I've marveled more at the squirming baby in my tummy and taken a moment longer to thank my Father in Heaven for the worth of the human soul.


PS: I don't ever do things like this, but because of my family's close connection with the Robison Family, here is a link to donate to their cause more than worthy cause...

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/sqm3/josh-erica-s-sub-for-our-savior-fundraiser

Here is a link from KSL and their coverage on the story.

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=28034717&nid=148

The Best Anticipation

SeaWorld in San Antonio with the Maxwells! (I should do a separate post...but I'll just mush everything into one!) Love our little Max!

A "baby" update for baby girl! (Plus random pictures of SeaWorld from our Texas trip last week and belly shots which I kinda hate :) )

It gets bigger by the minute these days!

Can I just say how much I love ultrasounds? I'd say that I can't sleep because I get so excited, but falling asleep hasn't ever really been a problem for me--especially since I've been pregnant!

This week Jordan and I got to go to an extra ultrasound because the first time around, baby girl's brain was impossible to see because of the way she is sitting inside of me. I was secretly excited that it didn't work out perfect the first time because, quite honestly, I could stare at her ultrasounds all day. It's my only glimpse into her teeny tiny little world!

I got to bring my dad with me since I brought my mom and Jordan's mom with us to the gender reveal ultrasound. It was such a neat experience to have my daddy there! He is definitely as manly as a man could get, and after surviving his brain aneurysm I think he is just more convinced of his invincibility--but when I see him talk about having a grandchild, there is a love and tenderness there that melts my heart. I watched him play with one of his employees baby's today, and there is just something about watching his tough shell fade away when he plays with a child. He will be the cutest grandpa. I'm so grateful for his sincere involvement and genuine concern with our baby--I appreciate it more than he'll ever know.

We were the last scheduled appointment for the morning, so our ultrasound tech took extra time going over things (hooray!). As the tech looked at our baby's brain and heart, I was so overwhelmed with gratitude to hear everything looked perfect. Because of personal experience within my own family, I am admittedly hypersensitive to anything that could be perceived as a problem.

The doctor did give us a little scare when she said she, "couldn't find the baby's other arm". My heart dropped and after a few moments of silence, being the incredibly patient person that I am, I said, "That kind of worries me, where is it?" I could tell she sensed the fear in my voice and said, "Don't worry, we'll find it, she's probably just laying on it." A few moments later we found her little hand and forearm tucked up by her little head...she was sucking on her thumb. I could stare at that image all day! The doctor guesses from her measurements that she weighs about 2.2 perfect little pounds at almost 7 months along. What a chunk! ;)

Seeing her little legs kick, her heart pump, her brain perfectly functioning--it brings a sense of peace and happiness that is indescribable. Knowing that my baby is healthy is probably the greatest gift I could ever receive. I say that sensitively and don't take it lightly, coming from a family that not every ultrasound was perfect, and consequently, having a heightened awareness of what a miracle a healthy baby really is. Every time I say my prayers, I feel overwhelmed because of how grateful I am that our baby is okay, that she kicks, squirms and hiccups.

Last night I felt her practically doing gymnastics as Jordan and I were falling asleep...needless to say it's a tad difficult to sleep with the circus going on in your tummy. Jordan had his hand on my stomach and said,"Do you think this is an indication of how she'll be when she gets here?" I laughed and said, "You mean incredibly squirmy and constantly moving? Yep!" I could hear his smile in the dark as he happily said, "We have a mover on our hands." Every doctor's appointment we go to is kind of humorous as we struggle through the same routine of finding the baby's heartbeat for more than 2 seconds. Our doctor tells us that the best sign of fetal wellness is a wiggly baby, so I don't mind at all. Our little girl is definitely our wiggly worm!

I find myself talking aloud to her when we (baby and I) are alone. It sounds funny, but it seems so natural. I feel like I already know her personality, since she's already made me laugh and cry because of the intense love and happiness she has brought Jordan and I in these few short months.

Just about 7 months! (4 days shy!)

Thank you to my fab photographers, Savanah and Mom! :)

I tried to go buy some baby clothes for her, and realized how completely overwhelmed I was! I want her to have EVERYTHING! We haven't even met her and she has Jordan and I entirely wrapped around her little finger. I'm not sure how moms ever tell their kids "no". I would give up everything and more for her to have everything she wants---I guess that's why it's good that young married couples are on budgets! So I did the smart thing, and left the store and decided I better bring my mom with me so I don't end up with 20 tutu skirts that baby will absolutely hate. So far I have purchased headbands for her--so she'll be naked with awesome accessories! Perfect for winter...not! :)

Today, I just can't wait to be a mom. It's better than every Christmas morning combined. It's better than eating all the cookie dough out of a carton of cookie dough ice cream. It's better than probably most things in this world. It's probably one of the best "anticipations" I've ever personally experienced.

I can't wait to meet our little girl!

Another random SeaWorld pic...We love Shamu! or Shamoo? Guess I didn't pay attention that well...

In All Things, Give Thanks

Seems a little bit early for a "gratitude entry" I guess--but I feel too grateful to not say anything! You know those moments when you look at someone and can't adequately express your gratitude for them in your lives? I feel that all the time with Jordan, and for that alone, I am blessed.

I was reading in D&C (Doctrine and Covenants) this week and was struck by a verse that said, "In all things, give thanks." And I felt that I want and need to be more grateful. It's really paying attention to the little details, or tender mercies, in life that make me the happiest.

Here is a condensed list of random reasons why I am grateful for my hubby--just because! I have a lot more than 10, but, I have to make a cut off somewhere. I'm sure he'll be embarrassed that I'm doing this! He's the most humble person I know.

Also, I know that neither Jordan nor I are perfect. I'm not writing 10 things to point out why my husband is better than everyone else's, I'm pointing out why he is perfect for me. I believe there is good in everyone..some people we may just have to look a bit longer :)! But because he is such a blessing to me, I want to share his example with others.

So here are my 10 Reasons, which still fails woefully short of all he is and does...

1) Before we go to bed, and usually while we brush our teeth, Jordan wanders around between our bathroom and bedroom (so he can brush for what seems like 10 minutes). As he does this, he'll sometimes sing me "songs", consisting of short one-liners expressing his love for me at the top of his lungs. I giggle every time because toothpaste is usually coming out of his mouth as he grins from ear to ear while singing his homemade melody. I love how he makes me laugh.

2) When I am having a melt down, Jordan will immediately hug me. There is no awkward pause, he instinctively hugs me, strokes my hair and asks what he can do to help--or tells me how he is going to help.

3) As I mentioned, Jordan is the most humble yet confident person I know. In high school, I shamefully admit that I almost wanted him to be more cocky--and act like the jock he was supposed to be. He didn't care if he was driving a van, being completely goofy or looking like a dork. He cared more about making others feel comfortable and loved. I realized I was the one who needed to change. That quote about "water rolling off a duck's back" describes him perfectly--others opinions don't get to him. He is never held hostage to what other people think, like I often am. He never does anything with the wrong intentions. He is so pure and so good. I want to be just like him when I grow up.

4) He is an amazing cook and always offers to help in the kitchen. He never acts like cooking is a woman's job. He recognizes a need and immediately steps in. Plus, he cooks better than me so it works out better for both of us :). He loves to cook his Brazilian food and can be caught rocking out to Brazilian music in the shower. Sometimes I'll stand outside the door and just smile while I hear him sing along. He'll speak to me in Portuguese and smiles as I try to respond with the (maybe) five words I know. He'll sing Brazilian love songs to me, and I end up busting out laughing while he tries to keep a straight face.

5) Jordan puts up with a lot of my Pinterest creations that don't always work out, which every female knows if they've actually made one of their pins from Pinterest--he always tells me "wow, that tastes great!" and I'll smile and go dump it in the trash when he leaves the room because it didn't turn out perfectly. If I get a "craft bug" he goes to the store with me, carefully helps me pick out supplies, measures and perfectly hangs shelves, cuts out designs and does anything I obviously need help with. Then once I finish a project, he always tells me that I should, "Instagram it Ash!" He acts so proud of me, it's pretty cute. I'm like a little kid when it comes to my projects with the recognition I require and he never falls short in providing it.

6) Jordan is the most meticulous person I know. When we need new car tires, he researches them for days. When we are going to watch a DVD, he scopes them out for nearly 45 minutes until he finds the perfect one for me. When we were applying to med school he poured over the options for months. When I need something cut or hung, he will make sure it is absolutely perfect. He measures ten times and cuts once (as opposed to me who measures never and cuts a bajillion times). When I tell him I like something, he will research it to death, figure out how we can do it, and it will end up as a surprise for me a few months later. When a button falls off of my jacket he is the one to sew it back on (I sew like a spaz). When we are picking out a restaurant, he will think carefully and give me a few perfect options that he feels I would like the best that evening-even if it's not what he would like. (He goes to Kneaders way more than he probably would ever care too).

7) Jordan insists on doing all the heavy duty cleaning while I'm pregnant (anything that requires cleaner and makes me feel high, haha). He will then scrub the bathroom with the utmost detail, leaving it better than the day it was installed. He is a perfectionist in the most balanced way possible. He puts up with me being high maintenance (i.e., me wanting our sheets washed at a cabin before I'll sleep in them even if it's midnight and he'll offer to do all the laundry and he'll scrub the bathroom because I saw a spider in order to help me calm down), or being late to church because my hair took too long to dry. He never says a word about me taking too long or being late. He quietly waits and holds my hand whenever I'm ready to go. He comes to every baby appointment and often has to remind me that we have one scheduled. He misses class, rearranges his day and always makes me (and now baby) his priority. I never doubt where I stand with him.

8) Jordan is the most balanced human being I know. He has an inner peace that recharges me instantly. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants and even surprise myself sometimes with what I am going to choose, and he acts completely content to go along for the ride. He seems to be slightly amused by my idiosyncrasies. He always makes me feel special no matter how quirky I really am. He sincerely desires to take care of me, and tells me that regularly. He is vocal about how he feels about me and isn't afraid to show it. I love that about him.

9) Jordan is a real example of what a priesthood holder should be. Day or night, even the dead of night, if I need anything at all, he will instantly stop to give me a blessing. He never hesitates to put on his suit and tie, no matter the circumstances. He always tells me it is a blessing and an honor to serve me. He does this for everyone around him. It always brings tears to my eyes. If I need medicine in the night, or he's in Provo and I'm in Bountiful, he will rush to my side if I think I need him in any way. I've never felt so supported and loved by another human being. I love coming into our room early in the morning and seeing him pray. I love hearing his insights about what he's reading in the scriptures. He is never showy about his religious habits, but is quietly obedient. He is the most kind and gentle reminder to me of how to have the Spirit in our home. Since I'm seriously blind once I take out my contacts at night, he will hold the Ipad what seems like just 2 inches from my face so that we can read scriptures together (because I'll be too cold to take my arms out of the covers). He'll read to me a lot of nights because I'll be "too tired to talk". He never complains. Sometimes if I am not paying attention, when I ask whose turn it is for prayers that evening, he'll say it's mine, when in reality I've prayed three nights in a row. As soon as I realize what he's done, he just laughs and tells me, "I love to hear you pray."

10) Jordan is my best friend. Something I have always loved about him is how easy he is to talk to and that he actually enjoys talking to me. He makes me feel like a queen. At dinner on Friday, I opted to order something "cheaper" because I'll think about medical school and sometimes have a panic attack. But, Jordan called our waiter back and ordered me what he knew I actually wanted, telling me, "I like to spoil my wife." My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude all over again.

Love you to the moon and back Jordan! And so does our little girl :).

Baby Girl

We are having a girl!!!

Yes, I've already picked out shoes for our little one

My heart has never been so happy and full. Jordan and I went into Fetal Fotos this past week (since I was way too impatient to wait until 20-21 weeks to find out the gender!) 

The night before the ultrasound, I was having a minor anxiety attack as I suddenly had the realization that I hadn't mentally prepared to have a boy, since I was so convinced we were having a girl. I told Jordan that I wanted to be content no matter what.

It sounds silly, but I prayed to be completely happy with whichever gender Heavenly Father was so graciously blessing us with. The next day, I felt so at peace and knew I would be excited either way.

Jordan and I invited our cute moms to go with us, but we swore them to secrecy until our "gender reveal party" on Saturday. Savanah came too--she's the baby in our family so she's never gotten to experience this with any of her own siblings. She is the one that named the baby "Popcorn" and tells me all the time, "Ash, I just can't wait for baby Popcorn to get here." 

I was so nervous/ excited for the ultrasound! I seriously had butterflies. As I laid down and the ultrasound tech started the ultrasound, I was holding Jordan's hand and about squeezed his fingers off...he's used to it, bless his heart :) The tech pointed out the baby's profile, which is so stinkin' cute! Baby must had known it was picture day, because her little legs were spread wide open. My mom kind of gasped out of excitement (anyone that knows her knows the exact "mom" sound I'm talking about), and she said, "Oh! I know what it is!" I had no idea, I assumed since my mom guessed so quickly that it must be a boy...but I can't tell what in the world I'm looking at on the ultrasound until the tech points it out to me--I'm obviously a little new at this! The tech smiled and said, "Yep, it's a girl!" I squealed out of excitement and just about jumped off the table!

I had felt like she was a girl the whole time, so I wasn't too surprised, just over the moon excited to to finally know! Both Jordan and I's families humored me by coming to my gender reveal party---my dad said something like, "Is that a real thing? I didn't know they had those." I think he is kind of amused by me sometimes. He is always good about supporting me even if I'm crazy :). And Nora, Jordan's cute mom, smiled when I gave her the invitation and said, "I've never been to one of these before!" I laughed and told her I hadn't either.

My invite I made for our little party

I made pink and blue sugar cookie bars (thank you Si Foster! I use your recipes all the time and I always get SO many compliments.) Jordan was so sweet and stayed up with my the night before on our date night making pink and blue, white chocolate popcorn (again, since Savanah has called the baby Popcorn ever since she found out I was pregnant.)

My mom and I ordered the cutest little polka dot cake and had it filled with pink, strawberry ice cream. Everyone gave their guesses one by one before we cut into the cake--most everyone guessed a girl--so I figure this little girl of mine must have a pretty feminine little spirit because it seems like EVERYONE I've talked to has guessed a girl. We cut the cake and it was so fun seeing our family's reactions--they cheered and Elise (my sister) gave her usual little high pitched squeal she gives when she gets excited. And I was so proud of Savanah for keeping such a big secret!

Baby size cake for baby girl

My mom had everyone grab pink cups and head to the backyard for a group shot!

Our "Gender Neutral" sign..I have a hard time making things not look girly (thank you Pinterest!)

My darling and supportive mother, holding the famous pink sugar cookie bars

Jordan holding the itsy bitsy diapers his mom gave us as a gift :)

I feel so blessed. Logan left on his mission (it's almost been a month now) and he told me that he knew all along our baby would be a girl. He told me that our baby girl has already been his tiny guardian angel all the way in the Accra, Ghana, Africa mission. I'm so grateful that they already have a special bond. Logan is so important to me and it means so much to know that my little girl is carefully taking care of him. I am so grateful for eternal families. He kissed my tummy at the airport the day he left, saying, "I love you Popcorn," and I couldn't help but cry. He is the sweetest boy in the world.

Elder Van Wagoner just before he headed to Ghana with all of the siblings

Disclaimer if you'd asked me up until about 16 weeks how I felt about pregnancy, I would have told you that this baby would probably be an only child! Now that the nausea has subsided, it's a lot easier to be excited! It makes me SO SO grateful for my mom and what she went through for each of her babies.

17 weeks!

I'm showing, I wore horizontal stripes so there would be no mistaking!

I felt baby girl kicking away this week for the first time! It is the most incredible feeling. It almost feels like a butterfly fluttering in my tummy--soft and delicate. Sometimes I'll gently poke on my stomach a bit to see if I can get her to move. I don't think I'll ever get over how amazing that feeling is. 

18 weeks today!

Baby Popcorn

I've started rewriting this post about 5 times now.

I have a million things running through my mind, but obviously first and foremost the thing that I wake up thinking everyday now is, "There is a little, tiny person inside of me."

When I first got married, I didn't even think about having kids. Not that I didn't want children, it just seemed really far off I guess. I've always wanted at least 5 to even 7 children. I figured I'd wait till later when it "felt right".

In November of last year, I felt like I should make sure my insurance was in order--specifically for a little one. This came as a surprise to me, but I checked and made sure it was. Conveniently, there was nothing that I needed to do.

Over the course of the next few months, I felt like every place Jordan and I went, we always sat by tiny babies or small children--children who would take great interest in me, playing with my hair and jewelry-- almost like Heaven was trying to drop me a hint.

Through several months and different experiences, I was gently led me to know that the timing was right, but mostly what fell into place was a sincere desire and feeling that some little one was waiting to come join Jordan and I's little family. I approached Jordan, not knowing how he'd respond since in earlier conversations he'd said to me kindly, "I think I'll just know when it's right."

We were talking in our room and I started rambling a million miles an hour, trying to kind of hint at the fact that maybe I was ready to have kids, and that I felt like everything was pointing to it and that I actually wanted one. Before I could even finish my blur of thoughts, he was smiling and quickly grabbed me mid-sentence and kissed me. He pulled away and then said, "Yes!" I said, "Yes, what?!" "Yes, I feel the same way! Let's have a baby!"

I squealed and laughed and cried all at the same time. It was kind of an overwhelmingly happy/surreal/crazy/exciting/scary/amazing thought of bringing a child into the world. But, we undoubtedly felt it was right.

So, that month, we got pregnant! I was so impatient and would start testing way too soon. Jordan could always tell when I would hop out of bed in the morning and come back in looking disappointed--even though we both knew it was too early to tell.

But one morning, I woke up at 6 am, wide awake and I knew it was the day. I grabbed my little stick and headed into the bathroom. As the test took its two minutes to "process" I had to cover it up and crouch down on the ground so I wouldn't pass out from all the nerves. I then uncovered the the digital test and saw the perfect word, "PREGNANT".

I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped out loud. I covered my mouth in shock and started to cry tears of joy like I had never felt before. I knelt down right there and tried to choke out a prayer of gratitude, but I couldn't find the words.

I ran to tell Jordan. I thought I would try to tell him in some cute way--so I paced outside our bedroom door. After about the longest 30 seconds of my life, I thought, "Oh bag it! I just want to tell him! I don't care if it's cute!"

So I came into our dark room, and flipped on the lights, he came to, slightly startled. I jumped on him and held the test in front of his face and squealed, "We're pregnant!" His eyes got huge and as excited as he could muster at 6:15 in the morning, he said, "Oh WOW!!! We sure are!!!"

So in a quick whirlwind, I got a blood test from the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and Jordan and I got pictures to announce it the next day (Thank you M.K. Nash Photography for working with us!) I was set on announcing it to my family that Sunday since it was Mother's Day.

At the doctor's office 

I was so nervous to tell my family! It was kind of comical. My heart rate was probably double and my stomach was doing backflips.

I made a scrapbook for my mom and gave it to her as a gift. She opened it in front of my family and did her typical mom comment, "Oh this is cute, Ash." All it said was Maxwell on the front. I told her it was for pictures of Jordan and I (haha--not that she doesn't love me, but I don't know what she would do with a bunch of pictures of the two of us.)

My Mom's Mother's day card before her gift--It was as big as her!

But inside there was a poem, and I told my mom to read it out loud. She started reading it, it was kind of cheesy. But one of the lines talked about standing in awe of my mom, as I'm now a mommy to be. She looked up at me in shock and said, "Wait, are you??" I smiled and told her to keep reading. The last line said something like, "And here is our plan, to make you not just great, but absolutely grand!"

She caught on right then and screamed. Savanah had to hold on to our couch she was standing next to so she wouldn't collapse with excitement. Elise ran over to me squealing, crying and laughing all at the same time. My dad had big tears in his eyes. My brothers were stunned to silence (a rare occasion). It was such a surreal moment.

My Cute Daddy, such a tender heart (but one tough cookie--he doesn't let on too easily :) )

I gave my family cookies that said, respectively, "aunt" or "uncle" and my dad's was a big cookie monster cookie that said "grandpa". We immediately told Savanah that she was going to have to wait a few months and keep it a secret--I realize that it was a gigantic secret for such a small girl to keep. So, she said, "I have an idea! I'll give the baby the code name of 'Popcorn', so every time I want to talk about the baby, I'll just say 'Popcorn'!"

So, from that day on, baby Maxwell has been known in the Van Wagoner house as "Popcorn".

Mother's day, after telling everyone..this picture was secretly 4 generations

Telling Jordan's family was so much fun! Nora's (Jordan's mom) reaction was classic. His family has been anxious for us to get another grandbaby here--so they were more than excited.

Cute Paige and Mechale--Missing Erin! Thank goodness for Skype!

This last week, we got to hear our baby's heartbeat for the very first time. Such an indescribable experience. Everyday, this becomes a little bit more real. Usually I dread winter (not a fan of the cold and snow in January/February/March/April) but this year, I couldn't be more excited for January!

Jordan and Sav at the "heart beat" appointment 

Me, hearing the heartbeat for the first time. So unbelievably cool!

I look at Jordan sometimes and think, "I can't believe we are going to be parents together!" Being husband and wife is incredible, so I can only imagine what it will feel like to be a mommy and daddy together.

God really is so good.


Ps. As a side note, I know of a lot of amazing women who have struggled to have children, for one reason or another. I told my mom that I almost felt guilty because of how easy it was this time for Jordan and I to get pregnant. Although I don't know why things happen sometimes, or why the timing doesn't always work out just how we had planned, I do know that there is a master plan for each and everyone of us. I also told my mom that it would be a lot easier to go through things if I just knew why! She smiled and said, "Ya, that kind of eliminates that whole faith thing then...which is why we are here." Mom's always know just what to say :).

In my scripture reading this morning, I came across this verse in Ether 12: 4, which I absolutely love, "Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."

I love that. Faith really is our anchor in this life. So don't you ever give up!

Gratitude for Happy Moments

I am blessed.

As I was sitting in church yesterday, a beautiful young mother, whom I greatly admire, spoke about gratitude.

She spoke about the little things she does with her children, like gratitude journals, and thinking of at least three things to be sincerely grateful for in her prayers each day and teaching her children to do the same. I was touched. She mentioned that often as we petition our Father in Heaven, we get so focused on what we want that we allow our needs to outweigh our gratitude for what He has done. She left a gentle reminder to have an attitude of gratitude. She probably doesn't even realize what an incredible lady she is.

Quoting President Monson she said, "We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that 'gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.'”

With that, and hopefully not coming across as preachy--that was not my intent in the least-- I would like to express gratitude for happy moments in my life. Jordan surprised me for our anniversary, and took me to Cheesecake Factory (one of my favs!) and then to Park City to the Hyatt Escala Lodge (the same place we stayed on our wedding night!) It was so much fun to be with just him. I am grateful for moments when I can sit back and truly appreciate my blessings, especially my husband. At one point during our getaway, I was joking around with Jordan and he smiled and said, "I am so happy I am married to you." He is the cutest.

Before Dinner! Awkward car shot...

So pretty, definitely recommend this place to anyone!

We ate way too much, slept longer than we have in ages and watched a way boring movie as we fell asleep..and ended up making fun of the movie the entire time. I am so grateful to be married to my best friend. He took me to the outlets and got me Theeee cutest running shoes ever; mine were a million miles overdue!

Say hello to my Nike Free 7.0! 

We even went and hit a bucket of balls the next night, to stretch out the fun a bit longer (correction, he hits the ball, I swing at them) and had a blast.

Notice, he looks like he will actually hit the ball...

Mentally preparing to hit the ball...didn't work.

And, for Jordan's birthday the week earlier, he got this little bad boy, the "2014 Specialized Rockhopper" and was speechless when he saw it.

It was pretty cool to see him be SO excited about a gift. He is so humble, he never expects anything. He had his bike stolen at BYU and he has been in mourning ever since! I decided I had to end that cycle--I just realized that was a super bad pun and it wasn't even intended! So I took his dad and mom and they helped me find a bike, since I probably would have come home with a pink beach cruiser :). I have awesome in-laws, another blessing I am constantly amazed by.

I love President Hinckley. I really do miss him dearly. He was so simple and so happy. He had an ideal marriage--what romance should look like. So, forgive me for all the quotes, you just can't go wrong with that man!

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”


Today, I am grateful for the ride!


I am grateful to wake up and feel excitement for the future. I am grateful for the health of my family, for beautiful sunsets, for Savanah's (my little sister's) witty remarks. I am grateful that Jordan's med school applications are in (with Texas applications almost completed) and that we have been richly blessed with incredible families. I am grateful for my first year of marriage, and thankful that it has certainly been the best year of my life.

I want to be more grateful. My mom always told me when I was little that you can't help but be pretty when kind words and compliments come from your mouth. So, I want to count my many blessings and name them one by one! I really am so so grateful for every. single. one. :)   

Happy 1 year and birthday to my perfect-for-me, husband!

You Know What They Say, Ash...

The week has arrived--whether we like it or not!

After months of hardcore preparation, studying and prayers, Jordan left at 3:00 this morning to take the MCAT in Portland, Oregon.

This boy is completely invested in our future and so motivated. I realize more and more how grateful I am for his sacrifices. He's commuted six hours a day (thank you public transportation!), taken multiple practice MCAT tests (4-5 hours a pop), studied till he can't see straight and still managed to treat me like a princess-- And I definitely act like one sometimes so that is saying something! He supports every crazy dream I have and never doubts me. He is the most patient, loving and concerned person I have ever met in my life. Whenever I am frustrated and start talking a million miles an hour, he just smiles and says, "Remember, I'm always on your side."

(St. George get away!)

Also, Happy 11 months today! I can't believe it's almost been a year! When Jordan left this morning, he woke me up to tell me good bye, and said, "Happy 11 months babe, I love you." Sheesh, way to melt my heart!

People say that when you get married, you find out everything that is wrong with your spouse. I, on the other hand, have had the opportunity to figure out everything that is wrong with me because he is so good! Sometimes I step back and wonder how in the world I got Jordan. I also wonder why in the world he waited for me to change my mind about him for almost 8 years! I guess somethings shouldn't be questioned, just appreciated.

(I like him.)

His big test isn't actually until Thursday--so if you can slip him a prayer, I'll love you forever! It's crazy to think how much one test can affect the rest of your life. I love the quote, "Faith is not knowing what your future holds, but Who holds your future." I know that whatever is meant to be will be; especially with what a good person Jordan is I am sure that there is an army of special guardian angels that look out specifically for him.

Random funny thing this week: Jordan created a board on my pinterest specifically for his man food, called "For Jordan". I just found it while I was on Pinterest.

For years he has said to me, "You know what they say Ash." And I say, "No, what do they say?" He responds, "Love." The first time he said it I just looked at him funny and said, "No one says that!" "Sure they do!" I then tell him that he's a dork, and he says, "But you love this dork."


I do love that dork :) Good luck on the MCAT!

Party Life

Something my family has never lacked is a reason to party...and when we do party, we like to cram it all into one weekend and make it as long and gigantic as possible.

To illustrate, my dad has coined the phrase "Beason" (Birthday Season), since we usually end up having at least 3 days of parties or events for each person. I love it.

It's tradition for my sisters and I to go shop with mom on our Birthdays. My mom would even check me out of school all growing up to make this happen! Talk about one awesome momma! Not to mention the prime rib dinner she made me and 3 different kinds of brownies...ya, she rocks.

Flowers from the most darling hubby in the world!

Flowers from my Besties!! Ashlyn Hewlett and Mckenzie Bennett...I am so lucky! 

Mom and I had to make a stop at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory from all of our labors...

We didn't actually purchase the bacon, but of course, we had to take a picture!

Visit from my adorable in-laws! Gift card to Mikados and of course, and way cute Braves Basketball shirt :) (Thanks Coach! :) )

So, then to add to our celebrations, Elise decided she just had to graduate on my Birthday! So, my parents took off to her commencement ceremony while I stayed home with the boys who made me a breakfast feast for my Birthday...complete with bacon cooked into their pancakes (yucky)...thankfully, they let me have normal pancakes :) As I stood there with Logan, Jordan and Landon, I realized it was my last birthday before Logan would leave on his mish! So grateful I have that dorky memory of frying bacon into pancakes on my birthday with that cute little boy! (Okay, yes, he's over a half foot taller, but he's always going to be my little broski!)

Next day, bright and early, Elise walked at 8 am at Utah Valley University! Woot woot! So proud of her! She has already been working for four months as a teacher--so she is already off and running! 

Cute cute girl! So proud of her! Model couple.

Couldn't have done it without these two cuties!

Mom and dad have always been so supportive of all of us!

Oh, and Jordan is super excited. He loves 8am graduations! 

Sisters! We've always shared everything, so sharing graduation and a birthday just made sense! :)

To add to this weeks accomplishments, Jordan finished finals and will be taking the MCAT next month (Prayers appreciated! But seriously!) He woke me up to tell me he had "instagrammed" my surprise for him! I'm a Communications major, so I appreciate him attempting to use social media in any way :) He got home at 12:30 am at the end of finals. He has commuted to Provo for a FULL school year since we've gotten married so that I could work in Bountiful. He is so selfless and never complains. I am SO blessed and So proud of him! Only one year left of his undergrad. Time flies.

So, us girls had to make one more stop to City Creek this weekend...because that's how we celebrate! 

Then! My extended family came to party it up some more on Sunday evening! Where Elise and I were spoiled together. So much fun, stuffed into one weekend! 

Oh! And! To top it off, I WON tickets to Iron Man 3 on my birthday, a private viewing in St. George! Who ever actually wins anything?! Not me! I was stunned!!! So Jordan and I will be heading to party again this weekend in St. G where he will do his "birthday stuff" for me, since we were obviously a little short on time this weekend :). He is way too good to me. 

Here is a picture of Iron Man, in case you forgot what he looks like!

Such an amazing week. I am so proud of Elise, she is my idol! And Jordan, what a stud. I have no clue what I'd do without him! I am so grateful for my friends and family who make me feel absolutely spoiled. All the Facebook posts, calls from friends, visits, flowers, chocolate...I could keep going..it's amazing. Birthdays are the best self esteem boosters! I truly stand in awe of all of my many many blessings.