I Love You More

I'm not quite sure where to begin. It's difficult to adequately express emotions there are simply no words for. I have been told all my life that having a child "changes your life forever". I guess there was no possible way I could quite understand that until I brought my own teeny tiny soul into this earthly sojourn.

January 3, 2014: I went for a run in St. George, Utah. My family had been there for several days and every morning and night I said the same prayer, "Heavenly Father. Please help this baby to wait until we get home." Everyone told me I was fine. The baby's due date was still 2.5 weeks away. But I kept getting this sense that she was coming sooner. I hiked with Jordan out in the desert with my little belly. We talked about how we couldn't believe she was almost here. At the same time, pregnancy days are like microwave minutes--eternal--so it seemed like she should have been with us ages ago. We headed back to Bountiful that evening.

January 4, 2014: I went for a run at Bountiful High. My Father-in-law asked me if I was feeling anything different. I told him my lower back was aching a bit more than usual. He told me it was normal. I didn't think it was but I kept that to myself. I sang at my cousin's baptism, went to dinner that night with some friends. I wasn't expecting that to be my last day of this life without a child in my arms. I cleaned out my closet that night (in preparation to get all cleaned up before the baby arrived--ha!), and went to bed that Saturday night around 1:30 am, exhausted. Just as I'm drifting off to sleep, I have the thought, "That would be funny if my water broke tonight."

January 5, 2014 at 6:45 am: Laying in bed, Sunday morning. Jordan and I were so excited that our church had finally switched from nine to the one o'clock schedule. I'm fast asleep. All of a sudden, I thought I might have wet the bed. I was so exhausted and tired that it didn't quite wake me out of my sleep. Moments later, my mind finally becomes alert and I kind of hop/run to the bathroom (the best that a 9 month pregnant lady can) with the immediate realization that my water had broken. First thought, "WOOOHOOOO!! I DON'T HAVE TO BE PREGNANT ANYMORE!!!"

I run to the bedroom, flip on the light and say to Jordan, "Jord...I think my water broke." He raises from the dead with a complete look of confusion, but sudden awareness and tells me to go ask my mom if it's for real. I go ask my mom, who calmly tells me that yes, my water has broken and then asks me if I'd had any contractions. I hesitated and said, "I don't think so?" She smiled and said, "Don't worry, you would know. Go ahead and shower and get your bag. Either way this baby is going to be here in the next 24 hours."

I couldn't stop smiling! I squealed and headed down to the shower. I washed my hair, blow dried it, and started curling it. Meanwhile, Jordan is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, asking me what we need to take. Of course, I had written the packing list of what we needed to take the hospital,  but of course, I had left it at work, not thinking I'd need it this weekend (Does anyone ever actually get their bags packed and have that work out??) I was so excited I could hardly think straight. Jordan is the most patient person I've EVER met. As he watched me applying my make up, he walked in and kindly said, "Ash. Umm, your water broke, like an hour ago. Don't you think we need to get to the hospital?" He never pushes me or acts like it's inconvenient when I am late-- In fact, he has never said a word to me or acted upset. This was no different. I laughed and told him I hadn't had any contractions yet, so we were good--besides, I was just about done. Just as I finished getting ready, I had my first contraction, and obviously felt a bit more motivated to get my little behind to the hospital. So we jumped in the car--8:15 am.

8:45 am: Got to LDS hospital, and as I walked in to the front desk, there was no one there. Huh. I see a call button on the wall. I hit it and a lady answers, "How can I help you?" I kind of stutter around, "Hi, um, I'm not really sure where to go?..." Jordan jumps in, "Her water broke." The nurses immediately opens the secured doors and let me through. Thank goodness for a level headed hubby! I'm back in my room within a minute.

The nurse runs a litmus test (how's that for sounding all technical? I'm not even sure that's exactly what it really is!) Basically, she was checking to see if my water actually broke, and it definitely had. She told me I could go walk around the hallways for a half hour with Jordan and then decide how I was feeling about the epidural. Don't worry, I'm not one to go all natural--there was no way in heck I was having this baby without one (bless your soul if you did.)

We went and strolled the hallways--strolling is a generous word--but anyways--I hobbled through contractions while holding Jordan's arm and I called my mom. I was giving her updates and telling her what we actually needed now that my brain was a little more focused--like, oh ya know, an outfit for my baby to come home in and oh, hello, a car seat?? Ya. I'm an idiot. First time mom right here! My mom was so gracious and helpful, as always. Jordan and I kept saying to each other, "Is this real? This is really happening."

10 am: Epidural, please. Not to stereotype, but isn't it kind of common knowledge that your anesthesiologist is going to be a stiff? So he starts giving me the Epidural and since he wasn't telling me that I was doing good, I said out loud as I was bent in half, "I am awesome!" He kind of laughed and my nurse held my hand while Jordan did too. Really, it was not that bad and the contraction pain went away so I was thinking that this was definitely Heaven's gift to earth.

In terms of an eventful birth story, this definitely wasn't like the movies. No drama, no screaming. It was seriously so calm and peaceful, My family came in and checked in on us. My dad and Jordan gave me a sweet blessing. Jordan and I talked a bit and even got to rest our eyes. I was progressing fine, dilated to about a 5. Jordan and I looked at each other and couldn't help but smile. We couldn't believe it, our last hours in the eternities without our own little one. So surreal.

3:30 pm: I wasn't progressing as fast as the doctor would like. The nurse tells me, "I think if we just gave you a whiff of the Pitocin, you're baby will be right here." Sure enough, she came back an hour later with the doctor and checked me, "Well, you ready to have this baby??" The doctor asked. "I felt my heart leap into my throat, "What?!" "You're at a 10 dear. You are ready to start pushing." I asked her if I could call my mom. She kind of smiled and paused, "Yes.." She said inquisitively. "Were you wanting her here?" I kind of paused, "No not exactly, I guess I just wanted her in the hospital." It was just a natural reaction I guess, the words had just flown out of my mouth. My mom had always been by my side through everything. I called her, she was just getting on the freeway from Bountiful--about 15 minutes away. I asked her if I should try and wait for her, "Are you kidding?! Get going and I'll be there as fast as I can!"

The doctor got Jordan and the nurse set up to hold my legs. I pushed for about 45 minutes. With just a few minutes to go, my mom had arrived and was waiting outside the curtain. Jordan and I had initially thought we would have it be just us. Jordan was so supportive and kept patting my leg (not that I could feel the patting, since my legs were completely numb...but it's the thought that counts). I felt like I was pushing my hardest, the doctor told me I needed to give it a bit more. So I did. Then, my doctor said, if you'd like to have pictures, we're just about there. Jordan and I looked at each other, and he asked me if I'd like to have my mom come in. I looked into his eyes for a moment, trying to assess how he felt, and could see he was genuinely content with whatever I wanted. I called my mom to my side. Jordan excitedly called out, "Ash! She has hair!" The look on his face through the whole process was utter amazement. He would squeeze my hand in between contractions/pushing. My mom cheered me on, "That's a girl! You've got this!" She was stroking my hair and looked at me with such love and understanding, I couldn't help but feel a bit emotional.

In an instant, I felt my baby girl rush out of me. Her little spirit had officially arrived.

5:55 pm: Skye Kamdyn Maxwell was born. I breathed deeply and I heard her cry. Jordan cut the cord and tears streamed down my face. I had never felt so exhausted/happy/relieved in my entire life. They wiped off Skye, weighed her: 6 pounds, 4 ounces. The doctor put her on my chest for "skin to skin". I was holding MY little girl. I immediately was counting, 10 toes, 10 fingers--everything was happy and healthy. My heart was so relieved. After having a little sister who had open heart surgery within the first 48 hours of her life, I constantly felt on edge my entire pregnancy. But here was my baby girl, perfect as perfect could be.

Both of Jordan and I's immediate family came to welcome our little one into the world. I kept surveying the room and staring at Skye. Surreal. It all seemed surreal.

When Jordan and I were left alone later that evening, just the 3 of us, I held Skye on my chest. I was completely exhausted. She lifted up her little head and looked at me. I knew that she knew me. My heart physically ached as it tried to accommodate the exponential room that was required to hold my tiny Skye. I realized in that moment how much I loved her, and it scared me. I'd never loved a human being the way I loved Skye. I knew instantly that I would die for her and would be honored to do so.

I watched Jordan become a father. I've never felt such love for him in my entire life. I realized that as much as I loved him the day we were married, it drastically paled in comparison to the love I felt for him now. I had a flood of memories rush through my mind. We've known each other since we were 13 and been best friends since high school. Never in a million years could I have anticipated such a perfect moment with my best friend and love of my life.

I can't really remember life before Skye. She is Jordan and I's world..our perfect little world. Of course we are tired. I've heard Jordan make up the funniest lullabies at 2 am. Lullabies that make me fall even more in love with his goofy self. Every bit of exhaustion is more than worth it. I will never regret the time I spend holding her, feeding her and watching her experience every piece of life for the first time.

How can you adequately describe bringing your own tiny soul into the world? That moment that changes you instantaneously..and forever? When my parents told me that they loved me more, I never knew how wrong I was when I told them I loved them just the same. Skye Kamdyn Maxwell, I will forever love you more than you can possibly comprehend. Thank you for making me not just a mother, but YOUR mother.

The Worth of a Soul

So grateful for a cute hubby who will paint my neglected toenails that I can't see anymore!

33 Weeks (Thanksgiving!)

One. month.

I'm just a tad bit excited!

Laying in bed the other night, Jordan and I started talking about the actual baby delivery. I was so excited I could hardly stand it--it was so fun to see him be so excited too. It's surreal to feel like we are talking about an event that will actually finally occur. Of course I knew up front that the end result of pregnancy is to have a child, but by week 36, it kind of seems like I'm just going to be pregnant forever! Don't get me wrong, it's so cool to feel her kick and watch my tummy move around as she wiggles inside of me, but at this point, I am so anxious to meet her, I keep asking things like, what does she look like? What is she like? Will she have hair when she is born? Will she be bald? Will she look more like Jordan or me? All the important questions :).

I was kneeling in bed the other night and saying my prayers when I peeked open my eyes to see all the beautiful gifts our baby girl had been given at a neighborhood shower that evening. I felt so overwhelmed with love--to know that our baby is loved and to feel the love of so many around us, words can not adequately express how blessed I felt. I found myself whispering out loud as I rubbed my tummy, "You are so, so loved little girl."

As I consider some incredibly heavy burdens that are being carried by some dear friends of my family that have occurred in recent weeks, it makes me sensitive and aware of the true worth of the human soul. Although I have a hard time talking about it, I feel I would be amiss if I did not mention this dear family...

My parent's best friends from college have a son, Joshua Robison (24 years old), who passed away the day after the birth of his first born son, due to an infection in his heart valve which spread to his brain. He was able to hold his little one for about 10 beautiful minutes in this earthly sojourn. My dad texted me after Josh's passing, as my parents were at the hospital with Josh's parents when Josh left this life. My dad's text simply said, "Make sure you live way longer than me." Jordan and I had been out for our date night, and the news hit me so hard it took my breath away. Josh had messaged me on Facebook when he found out Jordan and I were pregnant months ago, because his wife was supposed to be due the same week as us and wanted to share the joy. His wife was thankfully induced early out of necessity for the health of Josh's wife and the baby.

Josh and his new son, Logan Joshua

In all that has occurred, the natural question has been directed toward the Robison Family, "What can I do to help?" Josh's mom, Jodi, beautifully responded, "Many of you ask me what you can do besides pray. First, let me say that prayer and fasting is a powerful tool and it is meeting our most crucial needs. But if you'd like to do something more please: hold your kids and grandkids close and enjoy them with all your heart."

Life is fragile. I've had multiple experiences within my own family that have shown me this, and sometimes, I hate to admit, that I don't like realizing how fragile it can be.

As I sat in church this past Sunday with a heavy heart, I felt fear. I started wondering what could happen to my family or what could go wrong? As I sat listening, President Callister from my ward (former Bountiful Temple president and The Second Quorum of the Seventy) spoke. He is an orator in the truest sense of the word--I've never heard a man speak with such eloquence. To paraphrase, President Callister said that he has rubbed shoulders with numerous LDS General Authorities because of his callings in the church--and he has seen them face trials and every range of emotions within the human spectrum, "But," he said profoundly, "the one emotion they never entertain is fear." I knew President Callister was speaking straight to me.

Although we cannot always predict our Father in Heaven's plan, I know that it truly is a plan of happiness, not fear. That although I don't know why things happen the way they do, I trust that He does. I know with all my heart that He truly is all knowing and all understanding. This week, I've taken Josh's mom's advice, and I have pulled Jordan in a little tighter, and hugged my family a little longer. I've marveled more at the squirming baby in my tummy and taken a moment longer to thank my Father in Heaven for the worth of the human soul.


PS: I don't ever do things like this, but because of my family's close connection with the Robison Family, here is a link to donate to their cause more than worthy cause...

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/sqm3/josh-erica-s-sub-for-our-savior-fundraiser

Here is a link from KSL and their coverage on the story.

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=28034717&nid=148

The Best Anticipation

SeaWorld in San Antonio with the Maxwells! (I should do a separate post...but I'll just mush everything into one!) Love our little Max!

A "baby" update for baby girl! (Plus random pictures of SeaWorld from our Texas trip last week and belly shots which I kinda hate :) )

It gets bigger by the minute these days!

Can I just say how much I love ultrasounds? I'd say that I can't sleep because I get so excited, but falling asleep hasn't ever really been a problem for me--especially since I've been pregnant!

This week Jordan and I got to go to an extra ultrasound because the first time around, baby girl's brain was impossible to see because of the way she is sitting inside of me. I was secretly excited that it didn't work out perfect the first time because, quite honestly, I could stare at her ultrasounds all day. It's my only glimpse into her teeny tiny little world!

I got to bring my dad with me since I brought my mom and Jordan's mom with us to the gender reveal ultrasound. It was such a neat experience to have my daddy there! He is definitely as manly as a man could get, and after surviving his brain aneurysm I think he is just more convinced of his invincibility--but when I see him talk about having a grandchild, there is a love and tenderness there that melts my heart. I watched him play with one of his employees baby's today, and there is just something about watching his tough shell fade away when he plays with a child. He will be the cutest grandpa. I'm so grateful for his sincere involvement and genuine concern with our baby--I appreciate it more than he'll ever know.

We were the last scheduled appointment for the morning, so our ultrasound tech took extra time going over things (hooray!). As the tech looked at our baby's brain and heart, I was so overwhelmed with gratitude to hear everything looked perfect. Because of personal experience within my own family, I am admittedly hypersensitive to anything that could be perceived as a problem.

The doctor did give us a little scare when she said she, "couldn't find the baby's other arm". My heart dropped and after a few moments of silence, being the incredibly patient person that I am, I said, "That kind of worries me, where is it?" I could tell she sensed the fear in my voice and said, "Don't worry, we'll find it, she's probably just laying on it." A few moments later we found her little hand and forearm tucked up by her little head...she was sucking on her thumb. I could stare at that image all day! The doctor guesses from her measurements that she weighs about 2.2 perfect little pounds at almost 7 months along. What a chunk! ;)

Seeing her little legs kick, her heart pump, her brain perfectly functioning--it brings a sense of peace and happiness that is indescribable. Knowing that my baby is healthy is probably the greatest gift I could ever receive. I say that sensitively and don't take it lightly, coming from a family that not every ultrasound was perfect, and consequently, having a heightened awareness of what a miracle a healthy baby really is. Every time I say my prayers, I feel overwhelmed because of how grateful I am that our baby is okay, that she kicks, squirms and hiccups.

Last night I felt her practically doing gymnastics as Jordan and I were falling asleep...needless to say it's a tad difficult to sleep with the circus going on in your tummy. Jordan had his hand on my stomach and said,"Do you think this is an indication of how she'll be when she gets here?" I laughed and said, "You mean incredibly squirmy and constantly moving? Yep!" I could hear his smile in the dark as he happily said, "We have a mover on our hands." Every doctor's appointment we go to is kind of humorous as we struggle through the same routine of finding the baby's heartbeat for more than 2 seconds. Our doctor tells us that the best sign of fetal wellness is a wiggly baby, so I don't mind at all. Our little girl is definitely our wiggly worm!

I find myself talking aloud to her when we (baby and I) are alone. It sounds funny, but it seems so natural. I feel like I already know her personality, since she's already made me laugh and cry because of the intense love and happiness she has brought Jordan and I in these few short months.

Just about 7 months! (4 days shy!)

Thank you to my fab photographers, Savanah and Mom! :)

I tried to go buy some baby clothes for her, and realized how completely overwhelmed I was! I want her to have EVERYTHING! We haven't even met her and she has Jordan and I entirely wrapped around her little finger. I'm not sure how moms ever tell their kids "no". I would give up everything and more for her to have everything she wants---I guess that's why it's good that young married couples are on budgets! So I did the smart thing, and left the store and decided I better bring my mom with me so I don't end up with 20 tutu skirts that baby will absolutely hate. So far I have purchased headbands for her--so she'll be naked with awesome accessories! Perfect for winter...not! :)

Today, I just can't wait to be a mom. It's better than every Christmas morning combined. It's better than eating all the cookie dough out of a carton of cookie dough ice cream. It's better than probably most things in this world. It's probably one of the best "anticipations" I've ever personally experienced.

I can't wait to meet our little girl!

Another random SeaWorld pic...We love Shamu! or Shamoo? Guess I didn't pay attention that well...

In All Things, Give Thanks

Seems a little bit early for a "gratitude entry" I guess--but I feel too grateful to not say anything! You know those moments when you look at someone and can't adequately express your gratitude for them in your lives? I feel that all the time with Jordan, and for that alone, I am blessed.

I was reading in D&C (Doctrine and Covenants) this week and was struck by a verse that said, "In all things, give thanks." And I felt that I want and need to be more grateful. It's really paying attention to the little details, or tender mercies, in life that make me the happiest.

Here is a condensed list of random reasons why I am grateful for my hubby--just because! I have a lot more than 10, but, I have to make a cut off somewhere. I'm sure he'll be embarrassed that I'm doing this! He's the most humble person I know.

Also, I know that neither Jordan nor I are perfect. I'm not writing 10 things to point out why my husband is better than everyone else's, I'm pointing out why he is perfect for me. I believe there is good in everyone..some people we may just have to look a bit longer :)! But because he is such a blessing to me, I want to share his example with others.

So here are my 10 Reasons, which still fails woefully short of all he is and does...

1) Before we go to bed, and usually while we brush our teeth, Jordan wanders around between our bathroom and bedroom (so he can brush for what seems like 10 minutes). As he does this, he'll sometimes sing me "songs", consisting of short one-liners expressing his love for me at the top of his lungs. I giggle every time because toothpaste is usually coming out of his mouth as he grins from ear to ear while singing his homemade melody. I love how he makes me laugh.

2) When I am having a melt down, Jordan will immediately hug me. There is no awkward pause, he instinctively hugs me, strokes my hair and asks what he can do to help--or tells me how he is going to help.

3) As I mentioned, Jordan is the most humble yet confident person I know. In high school, I shamefully admit that I almost wanted him to be more cocky--and act like the jock he was supposed to be. He didn't care if he was driving a van, being completely goofy or looking like a dork. He cared more about making others feel comfortable and loved. I realized I was the one who needed to change. That quote about "water rolling off a duck's back" describes him perfectly--others opinions don't get to him. He is never held hostage to what other people think, like I often am. He never does anything with the wrong intentions. He is so pure and so good. I want to be just like him when I grow up.

4) He is an amazing cook and always offers to help in the kitchen. He never acts like cooking is a woman's job. He recognizes a need and immediately steps in. Plus, he cooks better than me so it works out better for both of us :). He loves to cook his Brazilian food and can be caught rocking out to Brazilian music in the shower. Sometimes I'll stand outside the door and just smile while I hear him sing along. He'll speak to me in Portuguese and smiles as I try to respond with the (maybe) five words I know. He'll sing Brazilian love songs to me, and I end up busting out laughing while he tries to keep a straight face.

5) Jordan puts up with a lot of my Pinterest creations that don't always work out, which every female knows if they've actually made one of their pins from Pinterest--he always tells me "wow, that tastes great!" and I'll smile and go dump it in the trash when he leaves the room because it didn't turn out perfectly. If I get a "craft bug" he goes to the store with me, carefully helps me pick out supplies, measures and perfectly hangs shelves, cuts out designs and does anything I obviously need help with. Then once I finish a project, he always tells me that I should, "Instagram it Ash!" He acts so proud of me, it's pretty cute. I'm like a little kid when it comes to my projects with the recognition I require and he never falls short in providing it.

6) Jordan is the most meticulous person I know. When we need new car tires, he researches them for days. When we are going to watch a DVD, he scopes them out for nearly 45 minutes until he finds the perfect one for me. When we were applying to med school he poured over the options for months. When I need something cut or hung, he will make sure it is absolutely perfect. He measures ten times and cuts once (as opposed to me who measures never and cuts a bajillion times). When I tell him I like something, he will research it to death, figure out how we can do it, and it will end up as a surprise for me a few months later. When a button falls off of my jacket he is the one to sew it back on (I sew like a spaz). When we are picking out a restaurant, he will think carefully and give me a few perfect options that he feels I would like the best that evening-even if it's not what he would like. (He goes to Kneaders way more than he probably would ever care too).

7) Jordan insists on doing all the heavy duty cleaning while I'm pregnant (anything that requires cleaner and makes me feel high, haha). He will then scrub the bathroom with the utmost detail, leaving it better than the day it was installed. He is a perfectionist in the most balanced way possible. He puts up with me being high maintenance (i.e., me wanting our sheets washed at a cabin before I'll sleep in them even if it's midnight and he'll offer to do all the laundry and he'll scrub the bathroom because I saw a spider in order to help me calm down), or being late to church because my hair took too long to dry. He never says a word about me taking too long or being late. He quietly waits and holds my hand whenever I'm ready to go. He comes to every baby appointment and often has to remind me that we have one scheduled. He misses class, rearranges his day and always makes me (and now baby) his priority. I never doubt where I stand with him.

8) Jordan is the most balanced human being I know. He has an inner peace that recharges me instantly. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants and even surprise myself sometimes with what I am going to choose, and he acts completely content to go along for the ride. He seems to be slightly amused by my idiosyncrasies. He always makes me feel special no matter how quirky I really am. He sincerely desires to take care of me, and tells me that regularly. He is vocal about how he feels about me and isn't afraid to show it. I love that about him.

9) Jordan is a real example of what a priesthood holder should be. Day or night, even the dead of night, if I need anything at all, he will instantly stop to give me a blessing. He never hesitates to put on his suit and tie, no matter the circumstances. He always tells me it is a blessing and an honor to serve me. He does this for everyone around him. It always brings tears to my eyes. If I need medicine in the night, or he's in Provo and I'm in Bountiful, he will rush to my side if I think I need him in any way. I've never felt so supported and loved by another human being. I love coming into our room early in the morning and seeing him pray. I love hearing his insights about what he's reading in the scriptures. He is never showy about his religious habits, but is quietly obedient. He is the most kind and gentle reminder to me of how to have the Spirit in our home. Since I'm seriously blind once I take out my contacts at night, he will hold the Ipad what seems like just 2 inches from my face so that we can read scriptures together (because I'll be too cold to take my arms out of the covers). He'll read to me a lot of nights because I'll be "too tired to talk". He never complains. Sometimes if I am not paying attention, when I ask whose turn it is for prayers that evening, he'll say it's mine, when in reality I've prayed three nights in a row. As soon as I realize what he's done, he just laughs and tells me, "I love to hear you pray."

10) Jordan is my best friend. Something I have always loved about him is how easy he is to talk to and that he actually enjoys talking to me. He makes me feel like a queen. At dinner on Friday, I opted to order something "cheaper" because I'll think about medical school and sometimes have a panic attack. But, Jordan called our waiter back and ordered me what he knew I actually wanted, telling me, "I like to spoil my wife." My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude all over again.

Love you to the moon and back Jordan! And so does our little girl :).

Baby Girl

We are having a girl!!!

Yes, I've already picked out shoes for our little one

My heart has never been so happy and full. Jordan and I went into Fetal Fotos this past week (since I was way too impatient to wait until 20-21 weeks to find out the gender!) 

The night before the ultrasound, I was having a minor anxiety attack as I suddenly had the realization that I hadn't mentally prepared to have a boy, since I was so convinced we were having a girl. I told Jordan that I wanted to be content no matter what.

It sounds silly, but I prayed to be completely happy with whichever gender Heavenly Father was so graciously blessing us with. The next day, I felt so at peace and knew I would be excited either way.

Jordan and I invited our cute moms to go with us, but we swore them to secrecy until our "gender reveal party" on Saturday. Savanah came too--she's the baby in our family so she's never gotten to experience this with any of her own siblings. She is the one that named the baby "Popcorn" and tells me all the time, "Ash, I just can't wait for baby Popcorn to get here." 

I was so nervous/ excited for the ultrasound! I seriously had butterflies. As I laid down and the ultrasound tech started the ultrasound, I was holding Jordan's hand and about squeezed his fingers off...he's used to it, bless his heart :) The tech pointed out the baby's profile, which is so stinkin' cute! Baby must had known it was picture day, because her little legs were spread wide open. My mom kind of gasped out of excitement (anyone that knows her knows the exact "mom" sound I'm talking about), and she said, "Oh! I know what it is!" I had no idea, I assumed since my mom guessed so quickly that it must be a boy...but I can't tell what in the world I'm looking at on the ultrasound until the tech points it out to me--I'm obviously a little new at this! The tech smiled and said, "Yep, it's a girl!" I squealed out of excitement and just about jumped off the table!

I had felt like she was a girl the whole time, so I wasn't too surprised, just over the moon excited to to finally know! Both Jordan and I's families humored me by coming to my gender reveal party---my dad said something like, "Is that a real thing? I didn't know they had those." I think he is kind of amused by me sometimes. He is always good about supporting me even if I'm crazy :). And Nora, Jordan's cute mom, smiled when I gave her the invitation and said, "I've never been to one of these before!" I laughed and told her I hadn't either.

My invite I made for our little party

I made pink and blue sugar cookie bars (thank you Si Foster! I use your recipes all the time and I always get SO many compliments.) Jordan was so sweet and stayed up with my the night before on our date night making pink and blue, white chocolate popcorn (again, since Savanah has called the baby Popcorn ever since she found out I was pregnant.)

My mom and I ordered the cutest little polka dot cake and had it filled with pink, strawberry ice cream. Everyone gave their guesses one by one before we cut into the cake--most everyone guessed a girl--so I figure this little girl of mine must have a pretty feminine little spirit because it seems like EVERYONE I've talked to has guessed a girl. We cut the cake and it was so fun seeing our family's reactions--they cheered and Elise (my sister) gave her usual little high pitched squeal she gives when she gets excited. And I was so proud of Savanah for keeping such a big secret!

Baby size cake for baby girl

My mom had everyone grab pink cups and head to the backyard for a group shot!

Our "Gender Neutral" sign..I have a hard time making things not look girly (thank you Pinterest!)

My darling and supportive mother, holding the famous pink sugar cookie bars

Jordan holding the itsy bitsy diapers his mom gave us as a gift :)

I feel so blessed. Logan left on his mission (it's almost been a month now) and he told me that he knew all along our baby would be a girl. He told me that our baby girl has already been his tiny guardian angel all the way in the Accra, Ghana, Africa mission. I'm so grateful that they already have a special bond. Logan is so important to me and it means so much to know that my little girl is carefully taking care of him. I am so grateful for eternal families. He kissed my tummy at the airport the day he left, saying, "I love you Popcorn," and I couldn't help but cry. He is the sweetest boy in the world.

Elder Van Wagoner just before he headed to Ghana with all of the siblings

Disclaimer if you'd asked me up until about 16 weeks how I felt about pregnancy, I would have told you that this baby would probably be an only child! Now that the nausea has subsided, it's a lot easier to be excited! It makes me SO SO grateful for my mom and what she went through for each of her babies.

17 weeks!

I'm showing, I wore horizontal stripes so there would be no mistaking!

I felt baby girl kicking away this week for the first time! It is the most incredible feeling. It almost feels like a butterfly fluttering in my tummy--soft and delicate. Sometimes I'll gently poke on my stomach a bit to see if I can get her to move. I don't think I'll ever get over how amazing that feeling is. 

18 weeks today!